Fluctuations

I didn't want to worry you at this time, since you're sitting for finals.

But in case you, in the future, are wondering about what and how I am doing, it's a bit of a roller coaster ride.

It was only yesterday that I thought I had myself together. Like I am finally at peace with the circumstances I face. 

But now (probably because it's maghrib) I feel a bit down again.. for a few reasons. And I think it's best that I list them down here so I can see the whole picture, and hopefully realize they aren't such a big deal after all.

Disclaimer; I am not proud that I keep filling this blog with upsetting topics. Just now when I re-read all the previous post, I thought: How come I only write on the days that I don't feel so good?
Maybe it's because on happier days I actually choose to go out and interact with world. Hahahah.


Back to the topic.

I'm upset because I always feel like a failure. That I'm not up to my own standards. I thought that if I stopped comparing myself to other people it would actually make me feel better, that I only had to compete with myself. Ironically now that is the problem. I feel like I cannot carry out tasks that I'm supposed to be good at, like: basic math knowledge.